Halloween and Masking
The scariest masks don’t just come out on Halloween, they are worn year-round and can feel impossible to take off. So, what is “masking” and why are we talking about it this month? The Cleveland Clinic defines “Masking” as “a way of representing yourself to be more like how others expect you to be. It’s a way of hiding yourself (or parts of yourself) that you don’t want to present to the world.” This isn’t an inherently malicious or nefarious action, and it is even more common in people with neurodivergences. I wanted to bring attention to this topic in October because I want to remind everyone before the hustle and bustle of the holiday season begins, that you don’t have to bring your masks to your holiday celebrations. You can show up as you are, and if you are truly not wanted because you are being yourself, I promise there is somewhere else where you will be not only wanted, but also valued. It is worth it to seek those places and people out, instead of hiding who you really are from people who do not accept it.
When we as people are in social situations, we adapt to those situations by adhering to the social standards we understand to be appropriate. We have socially appropriate attire, socially appropriate behaviors, and even in some cases socially appropriate language. For example: you probably won’t wear the same outfit to an interview that you would to a rave. Those two social settings understand a different dress code as appropriate.
So, isn’t all social adaptation a type of masking? The short answer is yes. One difference between a typical social adaptation and “masking” is that a social adaptation is something most people in that social situation will be adapting to, as well, and it will be obvious within the group. In other words, you won’t be the only one dressed for the occasion, and when you look around the room that will be obvious. However, when we “mask”, not everyone else in the room is “masking” with us. People at a dinner party may be able to infer that a suit and tie is not your normal attire, but they will not be able to infer that your personality is different. They will not be able to infer that you feel uncomfortable and unlike yourself. Even if other people are masking too, we wouldn’t know it. We can’t see when someone is “masking”, but we can see when someone is socially adapting.
Many people mask to blend in.They will copy the behaviors of those around them for fear that their true personality will drive people away or will be too different from the other people around them to be accepted. For example, you may enjoy being talkative and meeting new friends. However, if you are used to masking to fit the group that you’re in, you may not allow that part of your personality to come out around a group who isn’t as inclined to start a new conversation. Many people mask to avoid judgement. Some people who do better in social situations when they stim may avoid stimming in front of others for fear of being judged or called on to explain the behavior. In this case, they may be uncomfortable and unable to focus on or enjoy the setting they are in, all for fear of what others may think or say. Other people may mask simply because they have always felt that they had to, and they do not know how to turn the behavior off. If you were raised in a traumatic situation, or if you grew up having parents who often masked, it may just be a habit you learned.
It can be hard to break habits, especially social habits, but if you discover yourself masking it is important to find a way to stop. Long-term masking can have detrimental mental health impacts that can feed into pre-existing diagnoses you may have. Masking can worsen depression, anxiety, and panic disorders. It can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and disconnection from self. Masking isn’t just something that turns on and off when you want it to, it is a behavior that subconsciously sends a message to your brain that you are not good enough the way you are. Masking sends signals to your brain that you would be better off if you changed your personality, or if you didn’t do what you knew you needed to in order to make yourself comfortable and happy. All of these subconscious signals and messages are incorrect. You ARE good enough the way that you are. You WOULD NOT be better if you changed your personality or avoided your own happiness and comfort.
In the season of costumes, face paint, yard decorations, and door-to-door candy, do yourself a favor and stop masking. Do the world a favor, and let us get to know the REAL you! There is joy and purpose in living as who you are; there will only ever be one of you, even on Halloween.
Stay Safe!
-Allison at MHBCo
Source: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-masking